Overcoming Fixed Mindedness in Online Dating

Principal 4.0 read a book about growth vs. fixed mindsets and regularly points out that I'm a person with a fixed mindset. All in all, I don't mind that much. (According to 4.0, all engineers are fixed minded.) I find psychology interesting and in general, I don't think I'm unbalanced. (I'm sure others might disagree. :-) ) However, in the dating game I have realized that being aware of my fixed mindedness is valuable.

Let me try to explain. I've had a lifetime membership to LDSMingle.com for over 10 years (it's a good story, but not the story I'm telling here). On the website, there is a compatibility section on your profile where you list out what you are looking for based on provided criteria. Whenever I read a profile, that's the page that always takes the wind out of my sails. I can read through a guys introduction and interests and think "Yeah, we could be great together!" But then I get to the compatibility page and see he's only looking for someone between the ages of 28 and 34 and since I'm older than that I close my web browser and go eat some chocolate. Regardless of how cool I think he is, I can't bring myself to bother him because I'm not what he's looking for.

That is such a fixed minded way of thinking (I think). You look at a list and say, "I don't meet that so I won't try." The growth minded people would look at that and say, "Huh, now I know where negotiations start."

So I'm trying to be less fixed minded in my dating efforts. There are a few guys I've been interested in getting to know for a few months but I haven't sent anything because I saw myself only for what I wasn't, not what I am. I finally sent them stuff this weekend. *Sigh* It's hard stepping out of the comfort zone and going against the brain patterns. But let's face it, anyone would be lucky to get to know me, right? Regardless of if there is a love connection or not, if they go to my profile they will at least be entertained because it's pretty fantastic. Who knows though... I'm going to hope for the best!